I’ve been dying to talk to you. I don’t know why I feel such a strong connection with you. I feel like you feel the same way, but at the same time I don’t know if I even pass your mind. Sorry i didn’t text you back after leaving the city. I didn’t want to grow any kind of emotional attachment. And I’m sorry I’m talking to other people. I feel like things are just right when we are together though, and I don’t know if I can feel that way with someone else. I haven’t felt that way with anyone else yet.
Well I gave a fuck. But here lies my last fucks. Fuck you for not giving a fuck about me. You should not even be worth this time spent wondering about you. What the fuck are you even doing? Are you with somebody or something? Do you think I want something more than I actually do with you? Am I just not that important that you’re not thinking about me at all? Am I just overthinking this and you’re actually a nice guy, you’re just busy? I don’t know, but obviously I’m giving too many fucks about you & you ignoring me.
Lol may I say that I definitely that I definitely overreacted for this one. Option C was true. My bad.
So game plan time. I have 3 weeks left. One week has been used well- school and study all day but I don’t know if it’s been efficient enough? I took 2 days as holiday, that means I have the rest of today and tomorrow to catch up on what I can. Okay BREATHE. 3 weeks, about 21 days.
Plan: wake up earlier (start with 1 hr earlier everyday), eat breakfast, study hardest subject, workout & shower, study and take breather breaks (music, stretch) study and repeat, dinner/bed routine, study, a few yoga poses, bedtime, 30 min. of phone(decrease 10 min. a day).
Focus on content/ learning.
Focus on passages.
Focus on my health/body and inner peace.
In less than a week I’ll be packing up and traveling to a different city. I’ll stay there for a month. Holidays in a new city, for the first time away from family, away from friends, away from all things old and familiar. Yeah there’s a chance I could get lonely and very stressed since I’ll be there for schooling purpose. Honestly though I can’t wait to go away. I can’t wait to get away from this city, from this house, from everybody here, from all my problems, worries, anger and unhappiness. I’m looking forward to a month by myself where I can have a clean slate and where i can only focus on my studies, on myself and on my health. Staying strong until then.